Since I started my blogs earlier this year, I promised I would avoid personal topics. Eh, sometimes it can’t be helped, especially if you believe a personal story contains potential value for others. Besides, I imagine this is a typical tale of balancing work and life…and by life, I mean writing (and actual life stuff).
I’ll start by saying there is a direct correlation between the rise in my annual income and the decline of my writing output. Back when I was 18 and making $8 an hour (and damn happy to have it), I had the most time to write. Although I worked full time and overtime, there seemed to be more hours in the day. Or maybe what I did (worked at Karibu Books in Maryland) didn’t require too much brain power. Not to say I did a bad job; I became assistant manager in about three months. But working the register, tidying up the shelves and managing inventory once a week…it wasn’t rocket science to me. So while I was always one lost check away from dead broke, I worked on poems and the occasional short story (yes, I’ve switched genres…more on that in a few).
A few years later, I worked at the corporate headquarters of a major insurance company, but nothing serious. Data entry at the most. Still, my pay rose to a staggering $12 an hour. With that came some odd working hours; I started out working 3-11:30, then switched to 6AM – 2:30PM. I slept most of the day during the former and had to turn in early for the latter. My life schedule (aka writing) was a bit off. I was able to supplement it by starting a writing forum online, where generation of content was necessary. I started my first blog at the time, too. In short, work-shifts aside, I continued to write, albeit at a slower pace.
After that, I got a temp position at a manufacturing facility for one of the largest conglomerates in the world. Still data entry and phone call crap for the most part. My check took another step forward…$15 an hour (not bad for a temp). Here, my writing output began to suffer, in part because I needed to piece my life together after some unpleasant events, in part because I needed to focus on the job to attain a full time gig (which I did), and in part because I switched from poetry to fiction as my genre of choice.
I have to be careful when I mention poetry, because I never took time to learn the craft…never cared to do so. But I spent almost ten years writing poems with short stories (and a botched novel) sprinkled in between the stanzas. In the end, I realized my poems were nothing more than stories in a freeverse form. I found far more enjoyment in character, plot, setting, etc. But I never wrote fiction full time and found myself a beginner all over again. I digress, but I just wanted to note the reasons for the decrease in finished work.
So at this manufacturing plant, I went from temp to manager in a year…rather than noting the dollar figure, let’s just assume that I received a raise commiserate with my responsibilities. Not to mention, I began to log ten hours at work…twelve at the most, which continues to this day. And with this craptacular recession, I’m doing what I can to muster up as much job security as possible. And truth be told, at this point, I abandoned writing. Though I worked on blogs and wrote music reviews for Okayplayer, I had no new stories to submit and share. For various reasons, I thought I’d never write again.
Which brings me to the present. I don’t know if I’ve checked out mentaly at work lately…for all I know, it could’ve been excitement for the 4th of July holiday. That said, I spend most of my free time now writing or thinking about it or, in the name of it, dabbling in my newfound photography hobby. In other words, writing, the actual task of it, has become top priority in my working life, although I’ve yet to receive a dime for my work. I’ve become more annoyed at work, far more ambivalent about my day to day tasks. Meanwhile, I want to write…I scour my schedule for holes to plug in some writing time. For instance, my eyes are blood red right now…i can barely keep them open but, after spending all day in Atlantic City, I needed to do something. At least start a blog draft. It’s what I want to do, it’s how I’d like to sustain myself (no, I’m not quitting my day job). So you can see where this is going. I like my job, sometimes I love it, but I’ve become disenchanted with it as of late.
And…so what? This makes me but a mere member of the working force. My trouble has been striking a balance between writing and everything else or at least a good old 9-5. It’s one extreme or the other. My issue at this time is a matter of uncertainty. I’m not exactly convinced anymore that, for me anyway, one can excel at work, move up the ladder, make more money and spend more time in the office without scuttling attempts to establish a writing life. Maybe I’m being short-sighted about it. But I’m not sure if taking the promotion was in the best interest of my writing…or its a matter of persepctive, I suppose. If I save and go to writer conferences/retreats or purchase some pretty fancy writing tools (my Macbook and Moleskine), then my day job is there to fund my…I don’t know…deeper dreams, for lack of a better phrase. And I have no illusions about sustaining myself and my GF with writing…it’s a far off hope, at best…at worst, a fantasy.
So I wonder if I’m trying to find a balance because I don’t have what it takes to go all in, so to speak, into the creation and business of short stories and novels. In other words, is the balance a fallacy? Is it truly all or nothing, or one way or the other way? Sometimes, I wished I sucked at business…that is, working for other people…so I had nothing to fall back on but my writing. Because I can make a living doing other things, making that leap of faith, going all in with my work, is an arduous task. Yet, I don’t know how long I can sustain this attempt to live a dual life…but I suppose, unless I’m going to quit my job (LOL), then I have no choice.
Anyway, feel free to comment. I’m open to all suggestions and such.
Similar Posts:
- None Found
